To Rin, from Haru
by FannyT
Summary: With Rin in hospital and a strict No Visitors policy, all Haru can do is wait, wonder... and write.


My first Furuba fic! (It's terribly exciting.) I loved writing this, so I hope you'll like reading it, too – otherwise I'll have missed the point a bit.

I wrote this fic without knowing what happened to Rin, so everything in here is pure conjecture. But on the other hand Haru doesn't know either, so him and me are on an even footing there. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fruits Basket.

To Rin, from Haru

Rin,

You know I'm not used to writing, but it seems to be the only way to contact you. They won't let me visit yet and I've called every day without getting through. I don't know, maybe this will be censored as well. Maybe you can't read. I don't know how your eye is.

I don't know if you're even awake.

They won't tell me anything. If you're getting better or worse, how you're healing. Maybe they don't want me getting my hopes up, but anything would be better than not knowing. This endless waiting is driving me insane.

I talk a lot with Momiji these days. I haven't told him about you, or us, or whatever you want to call it, but I've told him about waiting for answers without ever getting any and about hoping against hope. It always feels easier after I've spoken with him. He's good like that. He always knows how to make people feel better.

Or maybe he doesn't know. He might just be that way naturally.

We've become much closer lately, since we started high school together. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle seeing him all the time, every day – he can be exhausting at times, with all his energy – but it's worked out alright. I haven't noticed it before, but he's very clever. And mature... surprisingly.

Also, he's sad. I don't think I know anyone with sadder eyes than Momiji.

Well... except you, of course.

I have to go. I hope this reaches you. I hope you're not in pain. I hope I can see you again soon.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

Still no answers from the hospital. I asked if you had received my letter and they wouldn't tell me. I asked if you were better and they told me not to stick my nose in it. I asked if they were unpleasant idiots from birth or if I should blame their parents and they told me to get out. I almost turned Black, but I thought that would only lead to more trouble for you.

So here I am, writing again without knowing if it will reach you at all. I guess you could say I'm living on hope.

I've started running again. Following Kyo's example I run every morning now, before breakfast. It clears my head... makes me calmer. I have time to think about a lot while I run. I'd stay out for hours, if I had the time.

I keep to the routes I know, though, and try to avoid getting lost. Last time I disappeared, they'd apparently called the police. You'd think they'd be used to it, but seemingly no.

I'm much faster now. But I still don't think I could catch you. Maybe we could run together some time and see, when you get out of hospital? I'd like that. I hope you would, too.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

Positive news at last. One of the nurses – slightly less Neanderthal than the others – told me you're sitting up, at least. You can't imagine how happy it made me. I still don't know if you're even reading these letters, but as long as you are fine I don't care. I just wish you'll get better, as quick as humanly possible.

I miss you, a lot.

I was looking through old family photos yesterday. It was surprisingly fun. Seeing Hatori and Ayame and Shigure-sensei as teenagers – then again, the latter two still act like they're seventeen at most. There were pictures of Hiro's mum, smiling in that ditzy way of hers, of Shishou-san who looked the same as ever – he doesn't seem to age at all – and one of Kureno, standing in the background, in shadow. And then there were pictures of us kids. Yuki with a quiet smile, Momiji laughing, Kagura all happy as usual, even a grinning Kyo. And then you. Scowling. Eyes black with annoyance. Half turning away from the camera.

In a way, I like that about you. Because it makes it all the more special when you smile. Like it's a secret, and I'm allowed to know it.

I borrowed the photo album from an old relative, and I guess I should give it back. I don't want to. I like looking at us all, before the curse took hold and we all became frightened. I like seeing Kyo smile. He does that all too seldom these days. And Yuki, too... I like looking at us, unknowing but happy. We all look so young and cute and innocent.

And me? I look dazed, of course. Dazed and rather stupid.

You were the first one who told me I wasn't, although I think I didn't listen at the time.

But I never forgot it.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

I passed your school yesterday. Talked to one of your class mates – small, with short hair and a pierced tongue (is that allowed?)... She asked me how you were doing, and I hated not being able to answer.

She didn't have any idea of what had happened to you. She hadn't been there, she said, so she had heard afterwards. I think I remember seeing her though, when I found you. But maybe she, like me, had only just arrived then.

I've been thinking about that day a lot lately. That was the first time I ever saw you cry. It was almost scary, but... you can cry. I hope you know that. It doesn't make you weak or stupid, and it doesn't make people scorn you. And I would listen, if you wanted to talk.

I talked to Momiji today. Little Momiji, so big. I'm starting to think he knows about you and me, or at least guesses. I don't worry though – because I know he'll never tell. Momiji can keep secrets. He's had plenty of practise.

You know about Momiji's mum, right? He told me what he does, when he misses her and his little sister too much – he plays to try and make it easier. He plays the violin, like a little god, and he chooses songs like Motherless Child and Sail Away Sweet Sister, and plays until he feels better.

He's so strong. I admire him a lot.

Maybe that's what I ought to do, instead of going Black and smashing things up. (I've been Black several times lately. It's the frustration, being stuck here and not knowing how to help you.) I could play songs like Lost Without You and Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone, and maybe that'd help.

I'd have to learn how to play an instrument first, but.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

Please tell those excuses for human beings called nurses that I have to see you or I will go mad.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

Ever since I met that girl from your class I've been asking around to see if I could find out who did what they did to you, and why. (Well, I've been doing that since the very start, but since I talked to her I've tried harder...) I haven't found out anything, though. And you can't tell me.

If I found them, I wouldn't need my Black self to turn crazy.

I'd love to get a letter back from you if you can find the energy to write. If you want to. It's just... I just want to know that you're alright.

Will come round to the hospital again tomorrow. It's been more than four weeks – you have to be able to see me soon, right?

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

I've now asked everyone I could think of, and no one seems to know who or what it was that hurt you. No one saw anything, heard anything, noticed anything. Of course, I found you outside the school gates and only a thousand people or so pass by there every day. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they all turned blind and deaf on this particular day. Right?

What happened to you, Rin?

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

It was Akito, wasn't it?

I've thought and thought, and I can come up with no other explanation. But if I think that, it makes sense. The silence, the unwillingness to help me delve into what happened that day, and the ruthlessness of the attack.

The only thing I don't understand is, why? What could you do, to merit that kind of rage? I know you hate him – he probably returns the sentiment – but such cruelty? I don't understand it.

I really don't.

Rin, talk to me. Please. Tell me what's happening. Let me help, if I can. You can't take it all on yourself. I want to aid you in any way I can, but right now, I don't understand anything.

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

I know something's wrong. I know Shishou-san went to see you. Why can he see you, when I can't? Is there something about me that is dangerous to you?

Don't you want me to come?

Haru

…………………………………

Rin,

I have to see you, if only to be told to fuck off. I don't care if you don't want me there. But if that's so, I want to hear it from you. What I can't stand is this silence.

Haru

…………………………………

**Haru,**

**Visiting hours are two to four. Come tomorrow.**

**Rin**

…………………………………

Why? I don't underst

_Never sent_

…………………………………

Rin,

Please explain why I

_Never sent_

…………………………………

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS KILLING ME?

_Never sent_

…………………………………

So it's over. And you don't need me.

What kind of expression is that? You don't "need" me? "Need"? Do you know how stupid that sounds?

Did you ever need me? I thought this was about us, and having someone to talk to, and smile with... not about _needing_ or not _needing_. It's not like we're drowning, depending on each other to stay afloat...

Or is it, though? Is that what I was to you? If so, why didn't you tell me?

And now, have you learnt to swim? And then you throw me away, like an old thing you no longer want. Or "need". Did you ever think about me? About what I would feel, not being needed anymore? Did it occur to you that I might, conceivably, be perhaps slightly upset?

Is that what it is, then, to need someone – you use him until you tire of it, then move on?

I don't need you like that. And I won't die without you. But I've missed you so much. I've missed you until it hurt, these weeks. I still miss you. And I'll still want to see you, even if you don't like it. I hope you'll allow me that.

I won't send you this letter, but writing it has made me feel a little... less bad.

"Better" would be too strong a word.

_Never sent_

…………………………………

Rin,

Get well soon.

Haru

…

_The End _

…


End file.
